Evening Personalities Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Television's prominent hosts used the evening criticizing former President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration program, called the "gold card," describing it as a blatant pay-to-play scheme for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a mock holiday tune directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... spoils each thing he handles."

Colbert's target was the controversial plan which permits foreign individuals to buy U.S. legal status for a sum of one million dollars, or "platinum" tier for 5 million. The program's portal pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief note here to affluent applicants: before you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the program is also designed to "get cash" from companies looking to hire foreign workers, involving significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your choice – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The most thorough background check the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants completely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit wealthy international individuals to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"It might be time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the form, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping approval numbers amid financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a bid to tackle affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, where he behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative media defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.